Oops..she said "yes"

As yet another Valentine's Day draws to an uneventful close, here I am celebrating my impeccable record of being single for the past 25 years. Joining in me in this celebration are Pramod Biligiri and Kandarp, who have also put in a lot of effort, year over year, to ensure that their relationship statuses haven't had a chance to undergo dramatic changes. Welcome to the anti-valentine party, guys ! Anything that is heart-shaped and red in colour is strictly prohibited here.

Did I just say that this Valentine's Day was largely uneventful ? Look here ! Read it ? Well I am so glad that you decided to return to my blog after reading a Rakhi Sawant article. Somehow I felt you would go over to Google and search for Rakhi Sawant pictures ;-) Now that I have your undivided attention, let me tell you that I didn't have Rakhi Sawant in mind when I was thinking about what to write in this post. And therefore, it is purely coincidental that the subject matter of this post should bare some sort of resemblance to the drama reported in the aforementioned article.

This incident happened seven years ago when I was a first year student in engineering college. Mr.C, one of my seniors back then, was instrumental in setting up the whole incident and ensuring that I was the chief protagonist in the drama that unfolded subsequently. Before we get into the thicks of things here, let me introduce Mr. C to you. C was by far one of the most popular guys in the campus. He was an acknowledged STUD in his computer science class. He was also one of the front runners in the campus when it came to extra curricular activities (which by the way also includes flirting with all the popular girls). He was extremely helpful as a senior. I could go to him any time during the day and the night and there he was, ready to listen to me as I complained about the mess food, told him how some of the classes really sucked, how some classes were truly fun , so on and so forth. To cut the long story short, he was one of the most bindaas guys around. But amidst all the fun you could derive by hanging around with C, you also had to take some stick especially if you were a first year student from Bangalore. My first conversation with him proceeded like this:

C: So you are from Bangalore huh ? What is your name ?
me: Vinay Murthy
C: Who the <beep> asked you to wear a t-shirt ? Aren't you supposed to be dressed in formals ?
me: My shirt isn't washed. I didn't have anything else that I could wear.
C: I don't <beep> care. Do you <beep> understand, you <beep> ? Now get your <beep> <beep> out of this <beep> <beep> place.

Yes, I would get totally beeped out talking to him.

It was time for the college's annual cultural festival and the seniors decided to let the first years free so that they could have some fun and enjoy the fest. However this freedom, as I realized later, came at a cost. On the first day of the three-day fest, I decided to check out an event that C was conducting. I thought this was a great opportunity to get to know C better. Also, it wouldn't hurt to boost C's ego a bit by telling him how good his show was and how much I really enjoyed it. I really wanted to stop those beeps coming my way. So I walked into the hall where the event was being conducted and sat right in front of the dais so that C could take notice of my presence. I laughed loudly whenever C cracked a joke, clapped vociferously whenever he foxed everybody with his quick wit. In essence, I played every move I knew to impress him and get noticed. Ofcourse C didn't disappoint either. His eyes lit up when he saw me. It was almost as if a thirsty dracula had suddenly smelt blood. As soon as the show was over, C walked up to me and said "So, did you like the show ?". "Of course. It was brilliant. I didn't know you spoke so well. Very enlightening. And oh, that sense of humour, I wish you could pass over some of that to me. Very nice...hehe" I replied. Unfortunately, that last bit where I spoke about his humour, landed me in trouble instantaneously. I had successfully taken the bait and C decided to demonstrate his sense of humour again, in other words to go for the kill. We walked out of the hall and sat down in the main lobby where about hundred or so students from various other colleges had accumulated. Coincidentally, at around the same time, one of the girls from C's batch walked by us. She was known to be an extremely serious character, a STUD in her class as well. She had stunning looks and was fully aware of the fact that guys admired her for that very reason. Some even took the trouble of going down on their knees for her, with flowers in their hands. Experience had taught me that such girls can be very dangerous. Be sure to stay away from them as much as possible. Trouble could show up any moment. Experience had also taught C the same thing !

Eager to put me in a spot, C decided that I should socialize with that girl. He walked over to the lawn nearby, gathered some coloured leaves and stuffed them into my hand. Out came his wicked sense of humour that I had appreciated so profusely a couple of minutes ago -

C: Do you see that girl standing there ? Her name is R. I think the two of you would make a great couple. Why don't you propose to her right now ?
me: Err...what ? I don't even know her. You have to be kidding C. What if she slaps me and stuffs these leaves into my mouth ? And there are a hundred people here C. Don't make me do this.
C: <villainous grin that meant "you don't have an option, buddy. I can't help the fact that I am elder to you.">

R was standing at the center of the lobby, talking to her friend P. The fest had been forgotten for the moment and all eyes were on R. She was the topic of discussion for all the "guy groups" standing there. And then suddenly from nowhere, to everybody's disbelief, a guy with leaves in his hand approaches R. P spots me first and alerts R about it. I am sure R was thinking "Oh no, not again". The whole lobby had suddenly turned silent. The team that was registering participants for various events, put everything on hold. Trouble sensed an opportunity to make an appearance as well. I mustered all the courage I could, walked up to R, went down on my knees and said

I bring no ring, but only leaves from a distant tree
If it ain't too much trouble, would you mind marrying me ?

OK, now get ready to be thrashed for uttering such stupid lines. I could sense her hand moving towards my face. Her eyebrows were knotted and I could tell she was pissed. The end had come. This was it. My reputation was all set to go to the dogs. C had managed to embarrass me in front of a huge crowd. My heart was pounding hard and fast. Her hand was moving swiftly and was seconds away from establishing physical contact with my face...three...two...one... zero...zero..zero... what ? no slap ? How could that be possible ? Instead R took the leaves from my hand and started a conversation

R: What is your name ?
me: uh..
R: Did you put these leaves together ?
me: err..
R: I like them, very artistic. Although, I like flowers more than leaves.
me: ahem <why don't you just slap me and I'll run away from this place...this is so disgusting>
R: Actually, my name isn't R. It's S.
me: Oh!
S: And it's okay if you don't have a ring right now. But make sure you bring it to the marriage. No plans to elope right ?
me: <what ????>
S: Actually should we wait to tell our parents about it ?
me: <what ????>
S: Great job Vinay ! <She knew my name ?? who told her ? >. How about some coffee ?
me: err...sure, why not ?

People standing in the lobby couldn't believe what they were seeing. How did he pull it off ? That too with leaves ?

While we were at the coffee, S told me that she knew this was all C's idea. After all, he wasn't covering his face with a newspaper for nothing while I talking to her in the lobby (with leaves for added effect). She thought this was her chance to pull a fast one on him. The marriage was obviously a joke. C later joined us and we all had a good laugh about it.